Back in Old Testament times, when God did something He wanted the people to remember, He would have them set up a pile of stones as a memory trigger. Then, later, when they saw the stones, they would remember what God had done.
Like the stones of remembrance from the Old Testament, there have been milestones along the way which have helped confirm God’s faithfulness and strengthen my faith.
My stones of remembrance are these:
A Crop Furrow
When I was a very young child, I had an unwavering faith in God. I felt that He was always with me. Even when we traveled, God was “running” alongside as I looked out the car window at crop rows going by.
A Butterfly
But when I got to my teens, I began to question God’s reality. I thought, “What if all this God stuff is something we just make up in our minds to make us feel better?” So, one day I saw a butterfly that was flopping and dying on our patio. I felt sorry for it, so I challenged God to prove His existence by reviving the butterfly. Almost immediately, the butterfly righted itself and took off. I was amazed, but not convinced. I don’t think I wanted God to be real.
A Revelation and Dedication
I questioned God for a few years more, marrying someone who was hostile to God because I didn’t think it mattered. Then one day, I was looking out my window at the beautiful Alaskan forest and I suddenly realized that I truly did believe that God was real. And I also realized that if God is real, I needed to be listening to what He had to say. Unfortunately, I did not act on that realization at that time. However, a year or so later I did go forward in church and dedicate my life to God. I’ve never been sure if the revelation of God’s reality or the dedication to God was my actual re-birth. Maybe a combination of both.
A Firefighters for Christ Tape
However, although I was going to church and taking my children, I continued to make decisions without input from God (so most of them were less than stellar). The main problem was a lack of trust. I knew I wanted God in my life, but had a lot of trouble trusting Him in all my difficulties. Fortunately, He brought me a husband (Larry) who knew and loved God. He did this for me without my realizing it – I was still making decisions based on something other than God’s leading. But my church came into possession of a bunch of tapes from Firefighters for Christ, and several of us decided to study the book of Revelation, led by a guy named Chuck Missler. This study opened my eyes to the whole Bible as one story – about Jesus. Before that, when I read the Bible, it seemed dry and there were really only a few verses I was drawn to. After the study, suddenly the Bible was so alive! I wanted to devour it. I could see it as a whole finally. My life was forever changed, and I began to take my faith seriously.
Just Love Them
When Larry and I got married, we had between us, seven teenagers and one 6-year-old. All seven teens lived with us. As you might imagine, there were times when we struggled. One time, I was at the end of my rope and I cried to God that I couldn’t do this anymore. I told Him I didn’t know how to manage. Then He said to me, very plainly, “Just love them – I’ll do the rest.” A total peace came over me and I thought, “well, I can do that!” We still had a lot to go through, but I never forgot that God was handling it.
A TV Show
Larry used to have a very hard time staying asleep. Sometimes he would get up in the middle of night and watch TV. He would usually watch TBN because he liked to hear all the preachers. One night, I woke up and realized that he was in the living room again. I could faintly hear the TV. But this time, I was wide awake and decided to join him. We curled up on the sofa and watched a preacher named Creflo Dollar. He was talking about tithing. During the course of this sermon, both of us were convicted that we needed to be giving God what was His already, at least a tithe (10%) of everything. I believe God was preparing us for what was to come, and showing us that He could be trusted.
A Check in the Mail
A couple of years later, Larry would have a stroke that would change everything. He would not be able to work and our income would go down by 75%. Of course, others in our church knew of his stroke and some of our situation, but we never mentioned the fact that we were struggling financially. But, in spite of my fears, we continued to tithe on what we had and trust God for the rest. And God proved to me, again, that He was perfectly capable of providing for us. We began to get checks in the mail. People would just add a note that they felt God wanted them to send it. And one anonymous person paid through the church enough for several months to cover our mortgage, while we waited for disability to kick in. It was amazing! If I ever had doubts and fears (and I did!), that settled it. I finally realized that God would take care of me (us) no matter what happened. My fearfulness went away as I began to realize that even if I had only the shirt on my back, I would be okay – because I had Jesus and that is all I need.
Fierce Love
With all the ways that God was working in our lives, you would think that I would have been content. But I began to wonder about my relationship to God personally. I knew that “God so loved the world,” but I wondered if He loved ME. One day, I was sitting on our deck talking to God and I just asked Him that question, “Do you love ME?” Suddenly, the tree that I was looking at began to waver, like when you see heat rising from hot pavement. There was a rushing sound and I felt a presence swiftly come to within inches of my face. And I felt God saying, “YES!” His presence was so near and fierce, yet so full of love, that it took my breath away. And I have never felt the need to ask that question again!
A Heart Procedure
One of my favorite verses for several years during this challenging time with Larry had been Isaiah 41:10: “Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed for I am your God. I will comfort you; Yes, I will help you. I will lift you up with my righteous right hand.” Many times, I knew that God was holding me up. But it was never so apparent to me than it was during a visit to the hospital. My racing heart episodes had begun to be measured in days instead of minutes, so during one particularly long episode, I decided I’d had all I could take and went to the emergency room. As soon as I got to the hospital, they started to administer Cardizem to slow down my heart. However, apparently my heart went back into normal rhythm at about the same time and so it lowered my heart rate to nothing. They began to lower my head and raise my feet and bring in the paddles. I was all by myself in the middle of night. No one knew where I was, except Larry, who did not have the ability to communicate that to anyone, but I was filled with that peace that passes all understanding. God was with me every second. I ended up having a heart ablation the next day and all through my stay and procedure God kept me in perfect peace. He taught me at that time that I never have anything to fear.
A Calling
Since my children grew up mostly during the time that I was in church but not really close to God, they did not get taught to know and trust Him. They grew up and became part of this world and did not feel that God was relevant to them. But I have prayed for them ever since I finally realized what they were missing. Recently, my son, Ben, had the experience of knowing that God was calling him. I am not sure yet if he has accepted that call or not, but I know that if God is calling him, he will come. I am learning in this most recent phase of my life to trust that God is in control of redeeming all my brokenness and my family’s brokenness. I am learning that it is not me who will redeem them – it is God. Again, He reminds me to “just love them” and He is helping me to be bolder about my faith. He will do the drawing.
He has been teaching me, drawing me, gently guiding me closer to Him all along. He has done this even while I was totally oblivious to Him. His work in my life has been pure grace because of who He is and nothing to do with who I am or what I have done. All I can do is praise Him for His great mercy and grace to me!
If He would do this for me, He will do the same for you. Decide if you will trust Him as much as you can, according to where you are in your relationship with Him, keep reading His word so you can grow closer to Him, and keep talking to Him honestly.